Note To Ryder Cup Fans Watching Danny Willett: His Brother Thinks You Are "Pudgy, basement-dwelling, irritants"

For reasons entirely clear, Masters champion Danny Willett's brother Peter wittingly takes on the Team USA vice captains and selfish types.

For reasons not entirely clear and let's be honest, not necessary, Peter Willett takes on the fans in this National Golfer piece.

For the Americans to stand a chance of winning, they need their baying mob of imbeciles to caress their egos every step of the way. Like one of those brainless bastards from your childhood, the one that pulled down your shorts during the school’s Christmas assembly (f**k you, Paul Jennings), they only have the courage to keg you if they’re backed up by a giggling group of reprobates. Team Europe needs to shut those groupies up.

They need to silence the pudgy, basement-dwelling, irritants, stuffed on cookie dough and pissy beer, pausing between mouthfuls of hotdog so they can scream ‘Baba booey’ until their jelly faces turn red.

They need to stun the angry, unwashed, Make America Great Again swarm, desperately gripping their concealed-carry compensators and belting out a mini-erection inducing ‘mashed potato,’ hoping to impress their cousin.

They need to smash the obnoxious dads, with their shiny teeth, Lego man hair, medicated ex-wives, and resentful children. Squeezed into their cargo shorts and boating shoes, they’ll bellow ‘get in the hole’ whilst high-fiving all the other members of the Dentists’ Big Game Hunt Society.

Good luck this week Danny! Enjoy your stay in Chaska!

Comments

[Sander Boss]

Hats off to Pete. I don't know how long it took to draft it, but it doesn't matter. Wow Pete did you ever nail
it. But that guy with his PS is right: the UK does suck.

[Chico]

@Scott- Korea, Vietnam,Iraq,Afghanistan ?

[El Gringo]

Jeez, one would think Americans never heard of humourus journalism...it was a very funny piece that should be taken in the light it was delivered. Shack...you oughta now better than to present this is a serious piece...get your head on man.

[GT]

Awesome to see most of the comments here taking it for the wind up it is.

About time we just laughed off the stuff that is written to be laughed off.

Looking forward to watching an epic event from Cape Town.

[bobby poon]

Thinking of all the Americans who gave their lives during WW11 and are buried in graveyards in English and European soil,deep down I wish you were speaking German right now and America had sat out the war in Europe.

[digsouth]

Eat your pudding.

[Don]

One of the better golf columns I've read.
Absolutely nothing to apologize for. Clearly all in fun.

[LoS]

Beautifully written. This is a result of some American citizens ignorance. Peter Willett professed just the view of many throughout the world.

[Scott]

Los -- "many throughout the world." What nationality are you that you can make this claim?

Maybe Peter Willett is just a bigot. Did you ever think of that?

[Sedgewick]

He's looking for a bit of fun. Just give it back to him with some good ol' European insults. There is a lot of material there.
His brother should beat his ass when he gets home though. He owes him that.

[ChuckDietzenTNnotIN]

I wonder if that rant cost his brother any endorsements?

[Stout]

Peter Willett is a raging drunk. Those who lend him any support or credence whatsoever are definitively showing their ass.