Note To Ryder Cup Fans Watching Danny Willett: His Brother Thinks You Are "Pudgy, basement-dwelling, irritants"

For reasons entirely clear, Masters champion Danny Willett's brother Peter wittingly takes on the Team USA vice captains and selfish types.

For reasons not entirely clear and let's be honest, not necessary, Peter Willett takes on the fans in this National Golfer piece.

For the Americans to stand a chance of winning, they need their baying mob of imbeciles to caress their egos every step of the way. Like one of those brainless bastards from your childhood, the one that pulled down your shorts during the school’s Christmas assembly (f**k you, Paul Jennings), they only have the courage to keg you if they’re backed up by a giggling group of reprobates. Team Europe needs to shut those groupies up.

They need to silence the pudgy, basement-dwelling, irritants, stuffed on cookie dough and pissy beer, pausing between mouthfuls of hotdog so they can scream ‘Baba booey’ until their jelly faces turn red.

They need to stun the angry, unwashed, Make America Great Again swarm, desperately gripping their concealed-carry compensators and belting out a mini-erection inducing ‘mashed potato,’ hoping to impress their cousin.

They need to smash the obnoxious dads, with their shiny teeth, Lego man hair, medicated ex-wives, and resentful children. Squeezed into their cargo shorts and boating shoes, they’ll bellow ‘get in the hole’ whilst high-fiving all the other members of the Dentists’ Big Game Hunt Society.

Good luck this week Danny! Enjoy your stay in Chaska!

Comments

[Center Cut]

Let's be honest. He's about 98% accurate.

[thusgone]

"my brother's really good at golf, you guys, so my ugly little comment gets published like it was somehow worth reading."

[dsl]

That's pretty damn good, actually. Stings a bit.

Also - holy crap, that's right! Some Guy Named Danny Willett won the Masters this year! Forgot all about that.

[Toby]

Just remind him that his actual country couldn't hack it alone and had to get the help of a whole continent to make things competitive.

[Punxsutawney Figjam]

"Make America Great Again" as trademarked by out next President Trump, who was endorsed by another great American, Jack Nicklaus, who no doubt supports the 2nd amendment and delicious hotdogs, beer and bowls of mashed potatoes.
ps. the UK sucks

[Chico]

Not the best considered outburst ever. The best team winning would do for me. And surely that has to be the USA this year!

[otey]

Because he is pretty much on the mark is why I lost interest in the RC after Brookline. Too many Yahoos on both sides.

[CroDad]

Actually.....that's pretty freaking funny and inspired. Kudos to Danny's brother.

[Fat Dumb American]

Now that's actually pretty funny. Bravo Danny Willet's brother.

[Saltwater Golfer]

Jesus its satire and is all tongue in cheek fun. If you take offense to that your shoe size might outstrip your IQ.

[Brian S]

Ha! He's encapsulated it beautifully!

[Mark P]

As far as battle raps go, it's a lot tamer than No Vaseline!

[Convert]

Very funny and I would love to watch the event with Pete. But, he did a real disservice to brother Danny, who will be front and center, in the line of fire, from people that will not see the humor in Petey's writing.

[Boros]

So tell us how you really feel, Petey boy. (American, nodding with approval re most of his comments...)

[Melvyn's Inner Demons]

Yes, but what are Cousin George's thoughts? Garbage (er, rubbish?).

[Tootles]

After spending 3 weeks in northern England and Scotland last month, I can also say that their residents are also a bit fluffy around the belly - too many "chips", mashed potatoes and pasta on the menu.

[In the grip of the game]

Wow,

he's just made his brother the next Monty. This could turn into a Bhutan archery contest

[BrianS]

Pretty funny rant. I"m guessing he's purposely going overboard, but as someone above alluded to, he is writing checks that his brother will have to cash in MN. And Danny's results post Masters have been somewhat spotty - as is often the case with the Masters winner, especially when it is his first major.

[FWIW]

Funny as hell. I like someone with a sense of humor - especially when it's so deftly done. The only thing that can go wrong is the fans prove him right.

[T Money]

Look who's talking, but funny stuff and he's right. T Money here in the heart of the heart of the country.

[Tighthead]

I don't find it offensive, but the humour isn't exactly subtle.

What are the odds he forces a bunch of tweets on the weekend and quickly becomes overexposed?

[Truthhurts]

ONE aspect of what he wrote is on the money...the idiot slime balls who yell "baba booey" simply show what low life, disruptive slime balls they really are. The rest of the article could have only been penned by a typical Brit with a carrot up his a$$

What the he!! does that idiotic phrase have to do with anything in a golf tournament???

[Convert]

Golf digest is reporting that Darren Clarke is pissed, as is Danny. Watch for the "I am sorry IF I offended anyone" tweet from Petey.

I read it as satire, and pretty good satire at that. But also knew that others would not and that Danny (not Peter) would carry the brunt of the repercussions from the fans, especially after a few cold ones. If I were Darren, I would only play Danny in the morning matches before the beer really starts flowing.

[Chico]

Yep. His brother has just expressed his "bitter disappointment". Even if it was funny it was a bit stupid!

[KLG]

"Baying mob of imbeciles": Both continents, particularly when it comes to fútbol and football.

"Baba booey, mashed potatoe (Quayle spelling), concealed carry/open carry, Dentists’ Big Game Hunt Society: Yeah, we got that.

Let the games begin!

[Press Agent]

Some satire there for sure - no doubt. But anyone who's come across this dufus's musings before knows he's got a mean-streak, and he craves attention....badly. What he did to his brother by tweeting that was incredibly stupid.

[PABoy]

His sister-in-law is an American.

[mrobert]

High quality satire cuts with a knife, not bludgeons with a 2x4. Jim Murray is rolling over in his grave at what passes for wit these days.

[Tighthead]

The anti-American shtick loses something when you become the new Billy Carter/Roger Clinton.

[Uncle Sam]

Petey is probably going to see a cut in his allowance. Dumb move given the guy can't support himself on his own.

[high street]

peter has a serious drinking problem and the list of pubs he is banned from is longer than both your arms.

[thusgone]

i bet i can guess which way this guy voted in the Brexit plebiscite.

[Scott]

Reading dear old Peter prompted me to queue up my old mix tape of Hillsborough, overlayed with the Benny Hill theme. Try it, it really does liven things up!

[Bruce Wears Chinos]

Harmless. Give the poor schmuck a break. He's obviously drowning in his brother's shadow.

[Scott]

Dentists big game hunt society? Did a Brit really go there? The people who slaughtered the Bengal Tiger and Asiatic cheetah out of existence for the sporting pleasure of their colonial leisure class?

[Chico]

Welcome back Scott!

[Garry Smits]

Two words: soccer riot.

[Melvyn's Inner Demons]

Scott - why post facts? Only hyperbole please. Besides, the Brits had to take 10 whole weeks to beat little ol' Argentina in the Falklands. Let these people have their fun! They are very important!

[Scott]

You're right MID. And don't forget, without Yank Sidewinder missiles that Cap Weinberger gave the Brits after watching them bow and scrape for an embarrassingly long period, the Falklands would be the Malvinas.

[Duck!hooker]

Who speaks for the cargo shorts?

I Speak for the cargo shorts! Leave them alone!